Overpriced Strollers

Fine. Not "wear" but "ride in."

Here's my love/hate letter to overpriced strollers. I do love. And hate. All at once. Needless to say, my child will not be riding in one.

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Dear Stroller-that-costs-more-than-most-people-pay-in-rent,

You certainly look good. You look as good as that Maybach I saw on Sunset last week.

Yes, that good.

But you're just as unnecessary. There's no reason, absolutely no reason, any child needs to ride around in a $1000 stroller. There just isn't. You aren't safer. You aren't smoother, really. Unless we're going 4-wheeling. Which we're not.

No, there's no reason for your existence.

Except to stroke the egos of a bunch of narcissistic yuppie fucks.

I'm just saying.

Now, before you scream "class warfare"... Listen, even if I had tons of money sitting around in the bank I still wouldn't buy you. I wouldn't. I have too much sense for that. You couldn't understand that. Because you're a stroller.

I push my child around in a $160 stroller and it works just fine. I don't think my child notices a difference. I will admit, that I do notice a difference for myself. Every once in a while. When I push my perfectly lovely child past another parent and they're pushing their not-so-lovely child in a stroller like you. I get peeved. And slightly embarrassed. I am human, after all-- but I'm man and woman enough to deal with that pain.

I don't think you are. Because you're an inanimate object. That sucks. Because you're essentially useless.

Yours,

ME

p.s.- I hate your frakking aspirational marketing. It sucks. Like you.

p.p.s. - You're pretty.